Thursday, October 25, 2012
My Emotions Always In Motion - Balance!
As we journey through the days of our lives, we find that each experience evokes an emotion. Every body has a feeling, an emotion, an opinion, a thought, and we find ourselves emeshed in a continual cycle of emotional ups and downs. We go from high elation to low depression - some say we go from 1 - 100 in a few seconds. Incidents of road rage, murders of passion, domestic violence, child abuse, and continual agitating of one another we can all attribute to, "how I feel, what I feel, and how you make me feel." What is this thing we called "feelings."
1. an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.
3. any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.
4. an instance of this.
5. something that causes such a reaction: the powerful emotion of a great symphony.
Depending on your conditioning and your experience, your emotions can be healthy or imbalance. It's the imbalance that creates the atmosphere of confusion that humanity finds itself living in. Today, "I feel," later I am going to "feel", right now I "feel" and your feelings continue to fluxuate during the course of the day. What I have found is that emotions cannot be trusted. More time than not we find ourselves acting out on emotions that are fear based and have no substance... it's just what we think. Have you ever had a conversation that began, "and they think this about me," or "they look at me funny," and it creates a wave of emotions that really have no basis. Being self centered to the core, individuals tend to "think more highly of themselves than they ought to." I love to tell people, "nobody is thinking about you." Being a great projector of emotions, I have to be very careful not to over think what I believe others are thinking or feeling because I have come to find out that more times than not I am wrong.
Now while I am building a good case to discuss "emotions," I want to spend some time providing a antidote, if you will to this emotional roller coaster we may find ourselves in.
1. Remember "everything" is not about you;
Some situations that we find ourselves in are for our learning and our development. It is not to attack you or create a sense of insecurity, but if it does that is a time to check, "why does this situation evoke such feelings within me." It could be you can have some unresolved issues that you need to address and this incident only triggered it so that you can do some work on that issue.
2. You are responsible for your "emotional" well being;
No one is going to do the interpersonal work that it will take for you to "dwell in peace," if you will. Some of us were very lucky that as children in the public schools they took the time out to teach us how to quiet our spirits. The teacher would turn the lights down and we would lay our heads on the desk for a period of time. What they did was invaluable because it taught us how to calm our thoughts, our feelings and our emotions. Today it is quite different. Our children are labelled ADD (Attention Deficient Disorder), when in my experience if you will take the time and train your child to be still they will have a better handle on their emotions and their emotional responses. So it is with adults. Throughout our lives we run here, we run there, we rush to do this and to do that. When we are idle, we tell ourselves we need to do something or we take that time to check our telephone, send texts, etc. and we wonder why we don't have a handle on our emotions. Most of us are not intuned with ourselves at all and spend a lot of our energies focusing on others and outside stimuli which is unstable, imbalance and insecure. We must maintain balance within ourselves all ways!
3. Practice the Self-Discipline of Stillness;
Take some time all day, every day to stop and be still. If you are like most of us, our plates are full of errands, telephone calls, texts, deadlines to meet, children to drop off, pick up, etc. As necessary as it is to breath, we must condition ourselves to stay in tune with ourselves and our emotions. Take that time in the morning to be still before you rise prepare your spirit for the day. Try not yelling at the children or upsetting the household before leaving home (which I used to do) because not only have you abused your peace, you have done it to those in your household as well. May I suggest that you turn on some spiritual music early in the morning, prepare your spirit for the day.
4. Recognize why you respond the way you do;
Remember you are not responsible for anyone else' actions but you are responsible for your own. Unresolved issues can be a hotbed of triggers for any individual. In mental health, we are taught that unresolved issues will surface when there is something in your experience that reminds you of an incident in which you hid or delayed an emotional response. It's not always easy to internally respond to events as they occur, such as death, separation, embarassment, abuse, etc. Although you may not be able to deal with it then, remember we are human and we need to process our lives through our spiritual connection. You may need to talk it out, cry it out, write it out or sometimes yell it out but get it out of you so that unresolved issue doesn't create a root of bitterness and you find yourself in full fledged hatred and depression.
5. Prayer, meditation and spiritual training;
Most of us who participate in prayer, meditation and spiritual training do it because we have lived long enough to know that we can not live a successful life without it. We are spiritual beings on an earthly journey and as such we cannot continue to live our lives in a natural way and know peace. When I say, "natural way," I mean just paying attention to our physical urges. Sex, food, pleasure, etc. only leaves our body pleased for a limited period of time. Spiritual discipline gives you the principles to rest in the truth of your creation and your divine authority to know peace and wholeness.
6. Emotions must serve you not destroy you;
Someone said that depression is anger turned within. The Center for Disease Control and Prevention reports that an estimated 1 in 10 American suffer with depression. People tend to abuse substances because of their "feelings." Thus addiction is coined a disease of emotions. The healing begins and remains as we own our feelings, accept them for what they are and not allow them to dictate or control our actions. We must be willing to talk about what ails us... talking can save your life. There are support groups, on-line chat groups, and many other vehicles available for your healing - utilize them. No one should live their lives in turmoil emotionally. No one!
7. Tools to express your emotions;
We mentioned prayer and meditation as a way to calm your spirit. There are sites on the Internet that can lead you in times of meditation and there are sites laced with prayers to comfort your emotions. Sitting quietly in places of quiet. I would often go to lunch and sit in the Catholic church near my job. We must be proactive at controlling our emotions. It will not happen on its own. Journaling, keeping a diary of your thoughts, your emotions, will provide you with a vehicle to document just how you feel about certain people, places or things without the risk of expressing yourself inappropriately. It also will act as an action plan on how you can resolve the issue that created such an emotional response in the first place.
8. You owe it to yourself;
New American Standard
Bible (©1995)
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.
He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, And he who rules his spirit, than he who captures a city.
There is such a peace in knowing that you do not have to act unseemly in unseemly situations. You don't have to respond in kind when unstable creatures spew venue towards you. You can maintain your position and not lower yourself to the immature emotional display of others. To not react, to be proactive about your responses to every situation in life. This is a lifelong journey and an equally life long discipline. As we mature, it is important that we are not controlled by emotions but we are govern by principles and love in spite of the situations life presents to us. Happy Healthy Emotions~!
Monday, July 2, 2012
Living Life On Life's Terms
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| Life on Life's Terms... the Path |
Some months ago as I prayed, I heard in my spirit "this assignment is over". Living in Miami, Florida has been an education for me that I never would have received had God not given me the courage to step out in faith and come here. Not once, not twice but three times. The lessons I have learned were hard. They were first spiritual, I was limited, spiritually arrogant (afraid), and almost unteachable because of the bitterness of offenses I held stored up while working in ministry, raising children alone, hiding my feelings - but it did not matter how I felt I had to do what had to be done. I had to be responsible if no one else was responsible. Whether actual or imagined, my life was bogged down with unforgiveness, resentment and bitterness and it had me stuck. The preacher, the Woman of God, who spoke life to so many others. I found myself bleeding profousely and unable to heal the wound. This was not new. It happened to me before when I turned 30 years old - it almost cost me my life. Pain not having a memory, I soon forgot that God and I were my primary purpose. My vision was skewed!
I had gotten so engrossed in the "care of others", what I was supposed to be for the "people," for "them"... that I missed that the only reason that I was alive in the first place because God had taught me to care about myself. We experienced this lesson early in my adolescence but it was lesson that did not stick, obviously! Self care had become secondary to the ministry, secondary to the care of the children, secondary to keeping my face and losing my "ass"... I was literally, emotionally, spiritually and physically lost and for the most part did not want to be rescued - just wanted to be left alone!
My first stay in Miami, I was wounded, bloody from the battle of life. Eveyone was the reason I was so discontented. No one understood, no one cared... I was an emotional wreck! I literally cried the first 90 days of my stay here. I would attend my support group and cried about how I couldn't find a job, I couldn't find my way, I would cry. I cried so much that everyone in the group expected that I was coming to have my "daily cry." I found employment, I found a place to live and then I went through a succession of jobs because I didn't fit into the "culture". For me it meant, they didn't understand me, after growing a bit, I realized that there was a level of humility that I needed to exercise in order to receive instruction. I realized that I would never get better until I first realized that I needed to get better - not the world, not the situation but me and my attitude (heard that somewhere before). I didn't surrender easily. Stubborn to a fault, I held on to my right to be "right."
Let me digress, for the first eight (8) months of my stay in Miami (in 2007), I isolated. I went to work, I called home, I went to church, home and no where else. My car was repossessed and I took the bus for a few months across Miami to my employment. I left my home at 6:00 a.m. (in the dark) to arrive at work at 9:00 a.m. - this was humblying. Quite different from the spoiled life I had built for myself in Washington, D.C. I had cars... I didn't take the bus, I didn't do this and I didn't do that but there was so much that I took for granted. The love of my family. The friendships and companionships that I had established for years. Being in Miami, gave me a level of autonomy and identity that required that I grow up - grow up or die. No one knew me so I was subject to the limited projection of others and what they thought, who my new acquaintenances perceived that I was ... at first I was annoyed and then I realized that it did not matter what anyone else thought about me. It was important that I made peace with me and stood on what I wanted for my life and how I would present myself to the world - good, bad, or indifferent.
This journey looking back finds me five years in - it's 2012. It began in 2007, I cannot tell all that has transpired the friends I met, the ones I lost. The relationships I maintained and the ones I've lost. It is still a daily endeavor to wake up, pray up and get up to deal with what the day will bring. At this writing, we are praying about opening the ministry here in Miami and securing the funds to make that happen. Although in the back of my spirit, I am really missing the experience of being a grandmother to my many beautiful grandbabies, the day to day with my children, so I still find myself seeking the clear direction of God on how the perfect Will of God will be reflected in my life because I have learned that the safest place in the whole wide world is in the Will of God. This thing is real... "Living Life on Life's Terms."
"Declaration Of Independence!"
As we approach July 4, 2012, we are looking at the world through brand new eyes. Wars and rumors of wars, children are not safe at schools, neighborhoods have become battle grounds and places of a sanctuary are show cases for the "rich, famous, and better than." Honoring the Creator of all things, we realize that we are not in this time for no reason. We acknowledge that we are alive for a reason and in the Kingdom for such a time as this. Declaring Independence means more than the separation from co-dependent behaviors, more than moving out of a domestic situation and that you have come "of age." It means more than removing ourselves from others but, in my thinking, it means the clear interpretation of what dependence means. When we depend on anything, we rest in it, we are secure in it, we trust that what we depend on will satisfy the need for which we cling to it. Having woke up some many mornings, there are not many people, places or things in this life experience that you can depend on like that. Only God, has proven to be that source that no matter what season, no matter what the situation, the lost, the gain, the consistency of a relationship with God through the principles of love taught to us through Jesus Christ that we can rest in this restless world. That we can sleep at night knowing that no matter what powers we see, we hear or we experience, that there is a greater power working and we can rest on that - we can depend on that power to care for us.
As we declare our independence it is imperative to understand that we are created dependent. We cannot live this life without someone. We cannot live this life without love, companionship, or socialization - we were not cut like that - we need each other. That being said, because we are like each other, we could never fully depend on us to be there for us (I hope you understand that!). We are fickle beings, some days we are in good moods, some days we are not... some days we want to be bothered and some days we don't. It's human nature and we don't deny it... we ascribe to live, embrace and honor our divine existence but we live daily to overcome and discipline ourselves to not succomb to our lower nature, our human nature.
So I want to be independent! Independent of my lower self, independent of clinging to others for something that they could never give me. Independent of seeking from humanity what they so desperately need from God themselves. So I rest in my dependence to my God, rest in that I am secure in knowing that this relationship will never fail me - although I will surely fail it. I continue to strive, to grow, to surrender to become ever so dependent that I might truly know the independence that comes from serving a true and living God.
That gives me rest when I am restless, feeds me when I am spiritually hungry, comfort my soul during times of lost and disappointment. In the times when I just don't know what to do, I can rest and be dependent that my times are in my God's hands. I am never too low, never too far, never too bad, never too dirty... always loved, always embraced... always secure - I am truly "declaring my Independent." Enjoy your fourth of July and don't forget to continue to pray for our troops - home and on the battle field!
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