Following My Heart - Being With Family

The past three years have earmarked a transition in my life I did not nor could not have embarked upon early. At the onset of my 50th birthday, I found myself lonely (deep within myself), regretful and burned out spiritually, emotionally and physically. Unbeknown to me, I was pre-menopausal and life just seemed bleak. The ministry which I believed identified me to the world, my children who validated my experience - they were gone. The children grew up and the ministry needed more than I was capable of giving it. My big decision was to leave. Move away... go to Miami not really thinking Florida but Miami... Miami vice, lights, bright, no real knowledge just go. In 2007, I left a good paying job, my residence, my ministry and my children and came to Florida, Miami. This was not what I had in mind, but being the person I am, I would not settle for defeat and made a good living working until the market crashed and I returned to DC - still feeling like a failure and something was missing in my life. Prayerfully, we prayed one of our babies through a difficult time and I returned to Miami to complete what I thought was a clarity for self that I did not have. Upon my return, I was thrust directly into ministry (establishing for me that God still would use me), and I found a renewed relationship with my adult children and God gave me more in the three year period four grandchildren were born. My life took on a very different shape and I began to see clearly what my tears had cleansed my eyes to see. I worked as an administrator for a program with clients who were mentally challenged and substance abusers (again God reassuring me that this is where I belong)... and so now, this season is over. It is time for me to return to my place... my place as Pastor, Mother, Grandmother, Employer and servant. My field is the world but my venue is Washington, D.C. As this year slowly moves to the end, I am embracing my transition and continued transformation. Enjoying the new people in my life and opening my heart for those who are near and dear to me as we go forward to have them in our lives on a daily basis. I will see my grandchildren grow in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I will see them in Sunday School and in praise and worship... I will teach others but for sure, I will be there to teach mine... I embrace the rest of my life with gratitude and humility. Eyes clear, heart humbled, spirit willing and prayerfully content.

Speaking Life To You: Learning the Value of Self Care

Speaking Life To You: Learning the Value of Self Care

Learning the Value of Self Care

It has taken the better part of my life to learn how to truly care for myself, to be gentle to myself. To be able to accept that I make mistakes but I am not a mistake. That I have experienced shame and guilt but I am inot dentified by any one experience of my life except to love and be loved. As long as I live and continue to breathe, I have another opportunity to make better choices. All of my life I was shaped and formed to be a caregiver. It had gotten to a point where all the work that I did defined my very existence. I had lost my voice, my sense of self and all things that determined my life were extended activities not internal care. When the foundation of my work, my children were adults, and everyone' need took precedent over my own - there was a breakdown. For me, the breakdown came with isolation, experiencing new people and new experiences, only to come to a point where the familiar became all that I longed for. With new eyes, I look at the world as an adventure and not a burden. I have accepted the mistakes of my past as learning experiences and have learned to automatically request internally "my forgiveness" for every memory of the past that caused me or others any pain. I don't know how anyone else experiences transitions of their life but I know mine has been a wonderful experience. I have been given a new life, new eyes and new desires and it feels really good. Each day I wake with anticipation of the what the day will bring, and what will I learn from the experiences of the day. Each day for me now is a new beginning in a real and tangible way. This is getting better and better and even in my alone time, its then that I take the time to pray, to regroup and revitalize to continue the journey. If I did not learn to care for myself, I could not continue to care for others effectively. My lesson has been well learned, now its time to practice it daily.

Balancing Rapport With Co-Workers

Having been immersed into a position that is a grassroots human services agency, I find myself supervising different levels of staff. There is the danger of being too familiar with the employees and the people I serve which in turn would make it difficult to be direct and objective when corrective actions are needed. In a fairly uncultured environment, I perceive that some of the norms I accepted as professional behavior, and office etiquette are not exercised therefore, the onus has been on me to set a clear line of demarcation to be effective in carrying out my duties. This has been new to me as prior to now, I was not in paraprofessional environments, having worked with attorneys, clergy, educators, professionals, everyone was clear on their roles and the hierarchy of the organization. There are times when I feel I am being too hard on the staff, but I have come to find out if I allow the familiarity that has become prevalent in the environment, I will be ineffective in carrying out my duties for the good of the whole. As a servant/leader the balance for me has been to remain secure in my position of interactions that "I do no harm" to those that I serve under my leadership. Familiarity does breed contempt and in an environment where emotions can drive decisions making it is imperative that all the decision that are made are done justly, humbly and for the good of the whole.

Making It Through the Holidays

As a single parent, I often found myself overwhelmed with great expectations for the holidays. I hoped my ex would come home and be all that we (I thought) needed from him. I thought the children (the ingrates) would appreciate all my efforts to provide a good holiday for them all of these ingredients added to my continual depression yearly. It wasn't until I began to accept myself for the good and the bad of me, accepted the situations of my life being exactly as it was and not what I wanted it to be and pretty much just allowed my life to be - the depression ceased. The holidays are difficult, at best, for those who are over achievers buying all that they can for their loved ones to remain in debt through the year. The holiday parties, office gifts, and other trinkets and festivities we are required to give and/or participate in because of the date of the year. I would often say nobody gives bonuses because it Christmas time, but I worked for attorneys and actually some years I did get a bonus. For those who lost loved one through year, and for those of us who hoped that we would find that special someone before this time of the year and the list goes on. I suggest that we be gentle to ourselves and let the holidays pass with all the joy that we live any other days of our lives and be good to you. For the holidays, buy yourself a present, give yourself a Spa day away from the hustle and bustle and on Christmas make sure that you get the biggest gift with the largest bow under the tree.

Forgiveness - Do We Forget?

Forgiveness is one of the spiritual attributes that must be utilized all the time. I often hear people exclaim, I can forgive but I won't forget. What I have found in my experience is that if you chose to forgive, God will assist you in forgetting. We are not cut to forgive. We are human beings with human reactions to life and forgiveness is not one of them. Our initial response to an offense is retaliate and to make someone hurt as much as we hurt; whether that offense is imagined or actual. If you live long enough, you will hurt people and they will hurt you. How do you deal with needing to be forgiven. Do you believe that the person should understand that "you didn't mean it." Or if you would have had more information and just waited a little while you would not have reacted the way that you did - a need for forgiveness. I know of experiences where people have reacted on misinformation and lives were lost. There is no recouping life once it is gone. We must live our lives as though we know that we will constantly fall short and the same forgiveness we need - we must be willing to give it others.

Too many family members are estranged, church members don't speak to one another, co-workers are holding grudges and everyone feels entitled to their posture to not forgive. Unforgiveness is not a right it is an imprisonment. You hold yourself hostage when you choose not to forgive. So may I suggest, that today you practice forgiveness and don't try to change anything just forgive like you want to be forgiven and I promise you life will get lighter.

The Gift of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a gift from God. We, in our humanity, do not have the capacity to forgive completely. Ironically, even when granted the gift to be willing to forgive, we must still be progressive in our attitude, action and behaviors towards the person and/or persons we have forgiven. "I can forgive but I will never forget" is the mantra of those who want to partially hold a person accountable for their deed against them. Total forgiveness calls us to forgive and to forget. That the grace that God gives us. Not allowing us to put ourselves in harm's way again but to not hold the offense fresh in our Spirit and/or be reminded of it each time we see or hear of the person. This is true forgiveness. When asked to bring to my rememberance someone who has hurt me deeply in the past, I can honestly say that no one came to mind. I truly have released many of the ghosts of offense that I held hostage in the graveyard of my soul. I don't believe that I could have remained sane if I did not forgive. So as we move forward, I wish to all that we would begin where we are and learn to forgive ourselves, receive forgiveness from our God, and learn progressively how to forgive others.

Speaking Life To You: Creating Your Experience Day by Day By Your Words

Speaking Life To You: Creating Your Experience Day by Day By Your Words

Creating Your Experience Day by Day By Your Words

When I was younger we were always told to be very careful what we say and more careful what we do. Everyday we are bombarded with words that have power. Life and death are in the power of the tongue. (Prov. 18:21) Yet, these valueable tools are utilized with recklessness and indifference. There is power in your words. It is key that we learn that we are creators and like our Creator we have the power to speak into existence anything that we can imagine. We are responsible to speak life over our situations, over our loved ones, over our present, and over our future. Have you ever begun your day and declared, "this is going to be a terrible day", only to have your prediction fulfilled. It is important that we are sensitive to our words - they have the weight of life and death in them. As a daily practice and a spiritual exercise may I admonish you to choose each word that your speak carefully. Take the time and pray before answering in anger. Pray before you speak at the business meeting; pray before correcting your children, pray before speaking to your husband/your wife, your significant other. Just pray before you speak. What is often on your mind needs to be shifted through the reasoning of the Holy Spirit and it may be that very moment that you pause that can lead to an amicable situation or a chaotic one. The power is yours - use it wisely - be careful what you say because it will come to pass!