Following My Heart - Being With Family

The past three years have earmarked a transition in my life I did not nor could not have embarked upon early. At the onset of my 50th birthday, I found myself lonely (deep within myself), regretful and burned out spiritually, emotionally and physically. Unbeknown to me, I was pre-menopausal and life just seemed bleak. The ministry which I believed identified me to the world, my children who validated my experience - they were gone. The children grew up and the ministry needed more than I was capable of giving it. My big decision was to leave. Move away... go to Miami not really thinking Florida but Miami... Miami vice, lights, bright, no real knowledge just go. In 2007, I left a good paying job, my residence, my ministry and my children and came to Florida, Miami. This was not what I had in mind, but being the person I am, I would not settle for defeat and made a good living working until the market crashed and I returned to DC - still feeling like a failure and something was missing in my life. Prayerfully, we prayed one of our babies through a difficult time and I returned to Miami to complete what I thought was a clarity for self that I did not have. Upon my return, I was thrust directly into ministry (establishing for me that God still would use me), and I found a renewed relationship with my adult children and God gave me more in the three year period four grandchildren were born. My life took on a very different shape and I began to see clearly what my tears had cleansed my eyes to see. I worked as an administrator for a program with clients who were mentally challenged and substance abusers (again God reassuring me that this is where I belong)... and so now, this season is over. It is time for me to return to my place... my place as Pastor, Mother, Grandmother, Employer and servant. My field is the world but my venue is Washington, D.C. As this year slowly moves to the end, I am embracing my transition and continued transformation. Enjoying the new people in my life and opening my heart for those who are near and dear to me as we go forward to have them in our lives on a daily basis. I will see my grandchildren grow in the fear and admonition of the Lord. I will see them in Sunday School and in praise and worship... I will teach others but for sure, I will be there to teach mine... I embrace the rest of my life with gratitude and humility. Eyes clear, heart humbled, spirit willing and prayerfully content.

Speaking Life To You: Learning the Value of Self Care

Speaking Life To You: Learning the Value of Self Care

Learning the Value of Self Care

It has taken the better part of my life to learn how to truly care for myself, to be gentle to myself. To be able to accept that I make mistakes but I am not a mistake. That I have experienced shame and guilt but I am inot dentified by any one experience of my life except to love and be loved. As long as I live and continue to breathe, I have another opportunity to make better choices. All of my life I was shaped and formed to be a caregiver. It had gotten to a point where all the work that I did defined my very existence. I had lost my voice, my sense of self and all things that determined my life were extended activities not internal care. When the foundation of my work, my children were adults, and everyone' need took precedent over my own - there was a breakdown. For me, the breakdown came with isolation, experiencing new people and new experiences, only to come to a point where the familiar became all that I longed for. With new eyes, I look at the world as an adventure and not a burden. I have accepted the mistakes of my past as learning experiences and have learned to automatically request internally "my forgiveness" for every memory of the past that caused me or others any pain. I don't know how anyone else experiences transitions of their life but I know mine has been a wonderful experience. I have been given a new life, new eyes and new desires and it feels really good. Each day I wake with anticipation of the what the day will bring, and what will I learn from the experiences of the day. Each day for me now is a new beginning in a real and tangible way. This is getting better and better and even in my alone time, its then that I take the time to pray, to regroup and revitalize to continue the journey. If I did not learn to care for myself, I could not continue to care for others effectively. My lesson has been well learned, now its time to practice it daily.