Learning the Value of Self Care

It has taken the better part of my life to learn how to truly care for myself, to be gentle to myself. To be able to accept that I make mistakes but I am not a mistake. That I have experienced shame and guilt but I am inot dentified by any one experience of my life except to love and be loved. As long as I live and continue to breathe, I have another opportunity to make better choices. All of my life I was shaped and formed to be a caregiver. It had gotten to a point where all the work that I did defined my very existence. I had lost my voice, my sense of self and all things that determined my life were extended activities not internal care. When the foundation of my work, my children were adults, and everyone' need took precedent over my own - there was a breakdown. For me, the breakdown came with isolation, experiencing new people and new experiences, only to come to a point where the familiar became all that I longed for. With new eyes, I look at the world as an adventure and not a burden. I have accepted the mistakes of my past as learning experiences and have learned to automatically request internally "my forgiveness" for every memory of the past that caused me or others any pain. I don't know how anyone else experiences transitions of their life but I know mine has been a wonderful experience. I have been given a new life, new eyes and new desires and it feels really good. Each day I wake with anticipation of the what the day will bring, and what will I learn from the experiences of the day. Each day for me now is a new beginning in a real and tangible way. This is getting better and better and even in my alone time, its then that I take the time to pray, to regroup and revitalize to continue the journey. If I did not learn to care for myself, I could not continue to care for others effectively. My lesson has been well learned, now its time to practice it daily.

The Gift of Forgiveness

Forgiveness is a gift from God. We, in our humanity, do not have the capacity to forgive completely. Ironically, even when granted the gift to be willing to forgive, we must still be progressive in our attitude, action and behaviors towards the person and/or persons we have forgiven. "I can forgive but I will never forget" is the mantra of those who want to partially hold a person accountable for their deed against them. Total forgiveness calls us to forgive and to forget. That the grace that God gives us. Not allowing us to put ourselves in harm's way again but to not hold the offense fresh in our Spirit and/or be reminded of it each time we see or hear of the person. This is true forgiveness. When asked to bring to my rememberance someone who has hurt me deeply in the past, I can honestly say that no one came to mind. I truly have released many of the ghosts of offense that I held hostage in the graveyard of my soul. I don't believe that I could have remained sane if I did not forgive. So as we move forward, I wish to all that we would begin where we are and learn to forgive ourselves, receive forgiveness from our God, and learn progressively how to forgive others.